I let myself obsess over my body—Here’s what happened

Okay friends - I let myself obsess over my body for 30 days...

...and *spoiler alert* I. Was. Miserable.

But what I learned was worth its weight in GOLD.

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I won’t lie. This mess started with one of those mindless Instagram scrolls. Where one video leads to another and another and the before you know it- you’re knee deep in some influencers family drama and 100 percent invested in the ending.

I found myself watching a bikini body competitor and her workouts.

She was the sweetest and also somehow 1 million percent beautiful. But before I knew it, I had lost 30 minutes watching every workout video she posted and thinking “ Ohhh, this is what I should be doing” (ahem, red flag).

And just like that, it was decided.

What if I tried 30 days of obsession?

Meticulous strength training with obsessive attention to detail.

And food? Every gram measured, tracked, and accounted for.

If you’ve known me more than a microsecond you know that this is FAR from how I operate. I feel it out. I listen to my body. I don’t usually track food, I workout because I love it. I eat dessert when I want it. I prioritize whole, real food always. But am I obsessive? No way.

So I had images of myself stepping into spring as a shredded (somehow tan- cuz #dreams) goddess of strength, wisdom and dedication.

But after 30 days, here’s what I can say with certainty:

I’m somehow more pale now than I was in January.
I did not in fact, step into March as a shredded goddess of strength.
Stronger? Definitely.
Dedicated? 100.
Wiser? …I think so. But not in the “HERE IS THE SECRET TO THE DREAM BOD” way my January self had expected.

So what went wrong? Let me tell you the story…

Here’s what I committed to:

The workouts:

I created a workout program for myself with very specific sets, reps, and movements. I made a plan to track (obsessively so) the lifted load each week and increase weights and reps each week. I had planned to increase my lifting from 4 intense training sessions to 5. And committed to completing 5 miles of active recovery walking on Saturday and Sunday.

It’s not new for me to create a workout program for myself. I’ve been doing this for a decade and usually— I love the results. This time? Not so much.

The Nutrition:

I committed to 30 days of tracking every freaking morsel (Yea…pretty sure I have PTSD, but we’ll save that for another story). I set my macros to increase slowly over the course of the program to account for the heavy lifting. My main goal was hitting my daily protein goal, staying within my calories, and fiber— oh so much fiber.

Here’s what I was tracking:

A Daily Weigh in: Every morning before any consumption or workouts.
Weekly Measurements: hips, waist, thighs, and arms
Workouts: increasing load over 4 weeks with 3 lower body days and 2 upper body days.
Nutrition: daily calories, macros, fiber, sodium, liquid

Heres what happened:

THE GOOD:

I was consistent.

I have never weighed myself that many days in a row, holy moly. But I stuck with it. I also didn’t miss a workout and didn’t eat anything that I couldn’t track. Consistency is one of my strengths, and I don’t usually need a challenge to get myself to the gym. I was most surprised I didn’t skip any weigh ins— cuz those are kinda lame.

Confirmed that how I eat naturally is on track with my macros/ body goals.

I was able to eat the same foods that I usually eat without majorly missing the mark on my macros. This was confirmation that the whole real foods that I prioritize are supportive of my goals.

THE BAD:

I became massively disconnected from my hunger signals.

Sometimes I was so hungry I was trying to distract myself with water because it “wasn’t time to eat yet”. Other times I was so full and forcing myself to power through food that to the point of discomfort. All in the name of “following the plan”.

The result? Trusting in a math calculation to determine the incredible elegance and delicate balance of a woman’s body… INSTEAD OF listening to my actual body's needs in real time.

Eek.

I enjoyed my food a lot less.

I missed out on lunches (and sometimes dinners with my family) because I was standing at the counter trying to measure out every single gram I added to my plate. I avoided foods I love because it was too hard to track. I cooked boring meals in the name of simple tracking. I shoveled down my food like a freaking animal- -cuz I was just trying to get the numbers to line up. I said no to ice cream cones with 2 of the cutest little guys on the planet.

THE UGLY:

I gave the scale a lot of power…like a lot.

Guys….It got weird with the scale.

At first weigh in’s were fun because the scale was dropping. I fell right into the “Less is better” trap that I preach against. But then as the number stalled and eventually crept back to where it normally lives…. I started to dread it. I could hear myself quoting my own words “vibrant health isn’t a wake up call that sends you straight to a cold bathroom scale”…and yet here I was.

Let me be clear— my weight was doing what it has ALWAYS DONE. Staying steady. I hadn’t planned to cut calories ( I had actually added quite a few!) and my body knows what number it likes —home girl just chills. The difference this time? Was that my daily check in had me all kinds of invested. Why is it up by .7? Why is it down by .3?

The scale is ONE data point. We know this. I teach this! But something weird happened when I created a habit of checking it every day. I gave it more power. And when I woke up feeling happy (or neutral) and saw the number had stayed the same or increased by a pound (the horror!) I would carry the “what am I doing wrong?” right into my workout session.

I didn’t really notice just how weird this mini mental breakdown was until I started writing this… I mean, I added calories. And my weight stayed the same. That’s a total win.

I told you— it got weird.

I stopped enjoying my workouts.

I have done WORK to protect my brain from silly diet culture games. Like decades worth. To the point that I felt very comfortable taking this challenge on. But something about obsessing moved me very subtly from a place of loving my time in the gym— to seeing my workouts as a tool to “get results”.

So when I woke up and saw the scale sitting in the same place every morning, I carried a “you’re doing something wrong, it’s not working!” vibe into my workout. And it showed. I didn’t dance. I didn’t come inside on a post workout high. My mind felt messy. I was distracted. I struggled through the entire dang thing.

My lifts improved in almost every movement— but I didn’t let myself celebrate it. Why? Cuz I was too busy obsessing.

Here’s the takeaway:

This challenge reconfirmed that:

“Healthy and fit” isn’t just hard data. It’s how you feel, how you spend your days, how you’re connecting with the people around you, the mental load of the work you’re doing, the joy, the freedom to listen and respond to your body’s needs and the celebration of the big and little wins along the way.

This challenge proved that:

Eating how I always eat (whole real foods, protein focused, and body led) is JUST as effective as tracking every morsel, without the mental load of tracking every morsel. I’ve been able to maintain my weight for years without pulling out the food scale at every meal and the process is 100 percent more enjoyable.

This challenge taught me that:

There’s a slippery slope from wanting to see results to treating your “right now” body like it’s a problem. It takes active daily intention and an honest reflection on which habits are not healthy for your mindset during the process. For me it was the weigh in’s. For others it might be closing the rings on your Apple Watch or trying on your “small jeans” just to see if they fit yet. If it makes you feel discouraged, you need to consider if that step is absolutely crucial to the process and make some adjustments to protect your brain.

Heres what’s next:

For me, I am going to get back to my “normal” which is grounded in joy + connection. This looks like enjoying whole real foods I love, being attentive to the hunger and fullness cues of my body, joyful movement, and lots of celebrations. I am going to try it “my way”— workouts and movement how I like and I’ll come back with part 2 to see if my way is more or less effective.

For you?

If you’re looking to see results on how your body looks or feels, let me leave you with this simple suggestion,

Move your body every day. On purpose.
Eat real food, til satisfied. Not Full.
Unsubscribe from habits that lead you to hate the process or your body.

If you’re looking for a more specific place to start, check out my 6 week beginner strength training program. It’s a powerful (but joy FILLED) process that will lay the foundation for a new lifelong habit. I’ll walk you though the basics and we’ll do it WITHOUT the diet drama.

It’s ok to have body goals.

It’s ok to not love where you’re at.

It’s even ok to have a number that you know feels right.

I’m just here to suggest that you can make change without punishing your “right now” body and brain.

Xo,

Victoria

Remember, always check with your health care professional before starting any new diet or exercise program. Any product recommendation is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Our statements and information have not necessarily been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

Every body and person is different. Therefore, We cannot and do not guarantee that you will attain a specific or particular result, and you accept the risk that results differ for each individual. As with any health-related program or service, your results may vary.